Shamanism and Substances

So ... last night I drank myself into oblivion.
It was well needed. I don't know what precisely set my nerves off like that. But I started feeling sometime yesterday like my nerves were going to just break at some point. I'm honestly not sure what caused this feeling... but I nearly lost it. I did well in that rather than getting hysterical, I just shook a lot then went loopy and smiled a lot.

Then when I got home... I drank more vodka than I think I have ever drank in one sitting before. It was not my proudest moment, especially a couple weeks after saying I have decided I don't want to drink anymore... But it was also one of the most gainful experiences in drinking I can claim to date.

I started thinking, after an hour or more of being nicely drunk and having relaxed completely, about the fact that shamans in tribal cultures typically use substances to achieve Altered States of Consciousness (hereafter refered to as "ASC"). I started thinking about that because I was seeing inward... really feeling myself. I felt ... oddly alert, and found myself decently coherent as long as I was only speaking and not trying to do anything physical. So while I just sat here and talked to my mate... I was able to say more than one would think. And that makes me think of the well-famed "Moment of Clarity".  Is this really just a moment during which the intoxicated actually stops and takes note of himself? I guess there's a little shaman in all of us.

I mainly had enough of a good look inward to see what's been wrong with me. To realize why I got so stressed in the first place... and to deal with it. Then I went to the couch and watched "Fired Up!" all the way through then promptly went to bed. Also drank a bunch of water because... yeah. No hangovers. Woot!

Anyway. Further on this.

ASC are important in shamanism. They're important in Chaos magery too. Because in order to grow the self, one has to be able to see into the self. Self-observation and analysis are an important tool that the Chaot uses to improve his divine self and his magickal will and ability.

So here's what I'm considering.
A good friend and fellow Discordian has offered me the knowledge of a plant that can produce a psychedelic trip (Do look up the meaning of psychedelic if you find you can't come up with one that doesn't simply conjure up hippies and tie-dye shirts. The word's meaning is rather more fetching.) which namely is said to cause the user to "see inside himself" and especially to "face himself". These are not literal explanations. But it is to say that the experiences described could be very useful for self-observation and self-analysis. Considering these facts...

1. I've never ever done any kind of drug before (unless you count alcohol. One really should.).
2. It's a completely legal and natural drug and has no damaging side-effects (that are known of).
3. I already have some of the drug and it's very cheap.
4. I do want to try to achieve an ASC through drugs at least once for the purpose of breaking barriers. (I have never done it, therefore I should do it.)
5. I may really need this opportunity for self-observation and self-analysis after the near-nervous breakdown I had. In fact... there may be no better time for this "trip".

... I think I'm going to try it. The worst that can apparently happen is I get nauseous and throw up. (Well physically. Having a bad trip means a lot of creepy stuff could be seen/heard.) But I won't take a high first dose. I will work up to it. Even if that means the first experience isn't as impressive... But as such, I'm going to have to work on this. I think it will be important for helping myself to find the root causes of this severe issue with stress capacity I've been having however.

I'll let you guys know how it goes.